Well, it looks like the glitch with the blog e-mail deliveries has been ironed out, and everyone in the US should be getting the latest posts the evening of the day that they are published. Whew!!! Nipped by the Technosphere once again! It took some doing, but I figured out what had gone amiss.
The post today is part one of a two parter, as the subject is pretty broad. In my healing practice and also occasionally amongst my friends, the issue of the behaviors that are a result of non-bonding with one’s mother comes up fairly frequently. In psychological terms, the primary parent is always the mother, even if a person never knew their birth mother, as in cases of adoption. Bonding starts with mother in the womb and continues through shortly after the moment of birth. As one gets older, mom’s behaviors, attitudes, appearance and beliefs are modeled to a certain extent for the positive or the negative. With dad, I always say that there can be a lot of modeling, but the same bonding as it happens with mom is not possible. Mom as the primary parent is always the dominant influence in one's life.
The key phrase here is “in the womb and continues through shortly after the moment of birth”. The most important time frame regarding bonding is immediately after birth. There is a delicate window of opportunity right after the baby is born, and if too much time goes by, bonding does not occur.
A whole host of events can create a lack of bonding between mother and baby. There are medical situations that come up such as premature, violent or caesarian births that literally prevent the mother from physically holding and uniting with the baby right after birth. This is because mom is either unconscious via drugs or injury, or the baby may need immediate medical care and is whisked away before mom can hold her, as is the case for premature babies put into an incubator. I have worked with one preemie adult who must have imprinted strongly on that clear glass incubator because that imagery and symbology came up many times during her sessions. Imagine being an adult still stuck energetically in that sterile atmosphere deprived for the most part of human contact. No one’s fault here, as I have said many times, there are no victims and what happens to each is a part of their soul’s plan for this lifetime.
Many clients I have worked with were rejected in the womb. Not that the mother doesn’t accept and love the baby once she is born, but it is always mom’s very first reaction to finding out that she is pregnant that gets energetically imbedded in the fetus. The reaction could be denial, anger, distress of any kind, or even thoughts of not carrying through with the pregnancy. What about programming the fetus with thoughts of being unwanted and that they will be adopted out immediately after birth. No wonder there is a higher rate of alcohol and drug abuse and incarceration amongst adopted people.
Mom does not even need to be a single woman for this to happen, as a pregnancy within a marriage can be unwanted, too. I see plenty of this. There may already be too many children in the family, too small of an age gap between the new baby and the next youngest child, or mom is just not ready to have a child at that time for a variety of reasons. These children, even as adults, suspect that they were an “oops”, and I am always amazed by the number of clients in this situation that were told so by their mothers! And not in a nice way, either.
I could go on and on with a variety of circumstances, but you get the idea. You may even be one of the “un-bonded”. The events that I have been describing have all happened at the pre-verbal stage of development and are hidden in one's shadow. They cannot be known directly, only indirectly by the ways that one deals with the world.
Because the Earth Mother is an archetype, or larger representation for our human mothers, those who have bonding issues are almost always ungrounded and out of their bodies. They either are afraid of trusting their connection with the earth, or simply don’t know how to go about connecting with the Heart of our Mother. They draw a big blank here. The down side of not being grounded and in the body is that the person is not able to dump energetic toxins into the earth core where they can be combusted. These energetic toxins build up in the body contributing to full body ailments such as arthritis, autoimmune diseases, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, and overwhelming emotional states such as anger and depression. We literally need the connection with “Big Mama” for our health and well being.
These people have difficulties bonding with others in relationships; again because this ability was not imprinted on them from the get go. There is also a lifelong drive to get all of their needs satisfied externally, because with no bonding, they never learned to bond with themselves to connect internally for guidance, self love and self support. They go through life looking for that next fix, that one person who will be their “all”, the next class or psychic to provide them with the answers. This contributes to addictions of all kinds, including to foods and drugs, possessions, people, fame, and money to name a few. The externals can be taken away in a heartbeat, and then what is one left with if there is no inner connection?
Have you ever met a person who is only interested in talking about themselves? Whose opinion is the only one that matters, and who is always right? “Enough about me, now let’s talk about me!” I know a few of those. There is no arguing with them, so I either disengage, or politely nod and agree to keep the peace. I guess it all depends on how much one is invested in that particular relationship. After a while it does get tiresome, but I do understand where this behavior is coming from, so I cut them some slack (most of the time). If you do have a good sense of who you are in the world and a solid inner connection with your guidance, it ultimately doesn’t matter what the other person says because you know what’s true for you.
At this point, you may have a sense if you are one of the un-bonded ones. In the next post, I will lay out the advice that I give to my clients to help them shift this pattern. It is not easy and requires a lot of work, but it can be done. Until then.