Oh Mama Again and Again

This past week I got a big wake-up call dealing with an issue that has been dogging me for most of my adult life.  Within several days 2 fairly close female friends stood me up for 2 different activities on different days.  I have to say that this has never happened to me before, and to have it happen twice meant that I really had to pay attention to the message that I was being given from my Higher Self. 

As I started mulling it over, at first approach I assumed that it was a long standing and general issue of attracting a lot of ungrounded, unreliable, unaware and generally goofy people into my life.  This has been not only with friends and acquaintances, but also with people I have encountered in more of a professional setting.  I have had such bad luck with irresponsible and unqualified trip leaders on shamanic and sacred site trips that I started to think that I was cursed!  There is also that part of me that yearns to have kindred souls in my life—people who are more like me, but that has never really happened.  Since most of you reading this are on a spiritual path, I am sure you can resonate with that life issue.  We all tend to be loners.

To get to the bottom of the current issue, I started with the “like attracts like” premise, assuming that I had an aspect in my shadow that was like the people that I was attracting.  Somehow that did not resonate and felt like a dead end.  There was no energetic charge around that issue.

I then did a sort of stream of consciousness journey while listening to my Hemi-Sync® CD, expanding my core essence and calling in the energy of my Higher Self for guidance.   So then, what emotions came up around this week’s incidents with my friends?  I felt disrespected, ignored, dismissed, forgotten, invisible, sad and abandoned, even though my friends did not stand me up deliberately.  They were just being their unaware selves.  So why would their behavior bother me?  Who else in my life treated me this way?

Then it hit me.  Could this be the next layer of the all too familiar “mommy” issue surfacing once again?  I got a firm yes.  After all, my mother was quite narcissistic and verbally emotionally and psychologically abusive to boot.  Her needs and wants always came first above those of any other family member.  What could one expect as her mother, my grandmother, was not a good example of motherhood, either, and she lost her own mother, my great-grandmother, when she was 8 years old.  Who knows how far back the pattern of inadequate mothering went in my matriarchal line? 

The emotions around what I perceive to be the shortcomings of the people I have been referring to are those of a child who never got adequate and appropriate mothering.  In some way, I expect those that I have certain relationships with, business or friendship, to take care of me and to mother me!  Or at least acknowledge me with some amount of awareness and respect.  Time to take some of my own medicine, as I always say that expectation creates attachment, and then things tend to go sideways energetically.  Time to release those expectations. 

This is a simplified version of the process that I am going through now.  Recognizing the issue is about 85% of resolving it, and the other 15% is knowing what to do about it via some sort of process.  For now, I am calling in and embodying patterning for the healing of my own Inner Mother, and doing my best to radiate that new patterning inwards to my Inner Child, and outwards to my environment.  The ideal is that others can be themselves and I do not get triggered by their behavior towards me.  Then I know that I have made progress.  In addition, the mirror that I am receiving from others will no longer reflect inadequate mothering.   I will be the mother to myself and can let them off the hook!

My next “Tools for Transition” workshop will be on August 27th, and will be the last one in the series.  We will be delving further into the Inner Child and adding some work with the Inner Mother as well.  If there are distortions in your Inner Mother aspect, then the Baby and the Child will suffer.  Stay tuned!