Well, it looks like the glitch with the blog e-mail
deliveries has been ironed out, and everyone in the US should be getting the
latest posts the evening of the day that they are published. Whew!!!
Nipped by the Technosphere once again!
It took some doing, but I figured out what had gone amiss.
The post today is part one of a two parter, as the subject
is pretty broad. In my healing practice
and also occasionally amongst my friends, the issue of the behaviors that are a
result of non-bonding with one’s mother comes up fairly frequently. In psychological terms, the
primary parent is always the mother, even if a person never knew their birth
mother, as in cases of adoption.
Bonding starts with mother in the womb and continues through shortly after the
moment of birth. As one gets older, mom’s behaviors, attitudes, appearance and beliefs are modeled to a
certain extent for the positive or the negative. With dad, I always say that there can be a
lot of modeling, but the same bonding as it happens with mom is not possible. Mom as the primary parent is always the dominant influence in one's life.
The key phrase here is “in the womb and continues through shortly after the moment of birth”. The most
important time frame regarding bonding is immediately after birth. There is a delicate window of opportunity
right after the baby is born, and if too much time goes by, bonding does not
occur.
A whole host of events can create a lack of bonding between
mother and baby. There are medical
situations that come up such as premature, violent or caesarian births that
literally prevent the mother from physically holding and uniting with the baby
right after birth. This is because mom
is either unconscious via drugs or injury, or the baby may need immediate
medical care and is whisked away before mom can hold her, as is the case for
premature babies put into an incubator. I
have worked with one preemie adult who must have imprinted strongly on that
clear glass incubator because that imagery and symbology came up many times
during her sessions. Imagine being an
adult still stuck energetically in that sterile atmosphere deprived for the
most part of human contact. No one’s
fault here, as I have said many times, there are no victims and what happens to
each is a part of their soul’s plan for this lifetime.
Many clients I have worked with were rejected in the womb. Not that the mother doesn’t accept and
love the baby once she is born, but it
is always mom’s very first reaction to finding out that she is pregnant that
gets energetically imbedded in the fetus. The reaction could be denial, anger, distress of any kind, or even thoughts of not carrying through with the pregnancy. What about programming the fetus with thoughts of being unwanted and that they will be adopted out immediately after birth. No wonder there is a higher rate of alcohol
and drug abuse and incarceration amongst adopted people.
Mom does not even need to be a single woman for this to
happen, as a pregnancy within a marriage can be unwanted, too. I see plenty of this. There may already be too many children in the
family, too small of an age gap between the new baby and the next youngest child, or mom is just not ready to have a child at that time for a
variety of reasons. These children,
even as adults, suspect that they were an “oops”, and I am always amazed by the
number of clients in this situation that were told so by their mothers! And not in a nice way, either.
I could go on and on with a variety of circumstances, but
you get the idea. You may even be one of
the “un-bonded”. The events that I have
been describing have all happened at the pre-verbal stage of development and
are hidden in one's shadow. They cannot be
known directly, only indirectly by the ways that one deals with the world.
Because the Earth Mother is an archetype, or larger
representation for our human mothers, those who have bonding issues are almost
always ungrounded and out of their bodies.
They either are afraid of trusting their connection with the earth, or
simply don’t know how to go about connecting with the Heart of our Mother. They draw a big blank here. The down side of not being grounded and in
the body is that the person is not able to dump energetic toxins into the earth
core where they can be combusted. These
energetic toxins build up in the body contributing to full body ailments such
as arthritis, autoimmune diseases, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, and
overwhelming emotional states such as anger and depression.
We literally need the connection with “Big Mama” for our health and well
being.
These people have difficulties bonding with others in
relationships; again because this ability was not imprinted on them from the
get go. There is also a lifelong drive
to get all of their needs satisfied externally, because with no bonding, they
never learned to bond with themselves to connect internally for guidance, self
love and self support. They go through
life looking for that next fix, that one person who will be their “all”, the
next class or psychic to provide them with the answers. This contributes to addictions of all kinds, including to foods and drugs, possessions, people, fame, and money to name a few. The externals can be taken away in a
heartbeat, and then what is one left with if there is no inner connection?
Have you ever met a person who is only interested in talking
about themselves? Whose opinion is the
only one that matters, and who is always right?
“Enough about me, now let’s talk about me!” I know a few of those.
There is no arguing with them, so I either disengage, or politely nod
and agree to keep the peace. I guess it
all depends on how much one is invested in that particular relationship. After a while it does get tiresome, but I do understand where this behavior is coming from, so I cut them some slack (most of the time). If you do have a good sense of who you are in
the world and a solid inner connection with your guidance, it ultimately doesn’t
matter what the other person says because you know what’s true for you.
At this point, you may have a sense if you are one of the un-bonded
ones. In the next post, I will lay out
the advice that I give to my clients to help them shift this pattern. It is not easy and requires a lot of work,
but it can be done. Until then.
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